Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
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There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath.
Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k?
A joystick does its job.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
"Mommie, Mommie....did you know that nurses can come apart..?"
"Well...no. What makes you say that..?"
"Because the other night, I overheard Daddy say that he screwed the ass off of a nurse..!"
I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike?
A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry
During a war warrior shouted against 3 ladies
Warrior: I am going to r*pe you all.
Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother.
Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."