Joke #613

Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
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has 67.82 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge. As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed. Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!" A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!" I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, sex, sport, winter
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll [insert appropriate colloquialism for sodomy here].” The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do. After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.” Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
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has 84.16 % from 869 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hunting
While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 84.32 % from 939 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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has 74.71 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: dirty
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
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has 69.25 % from 331 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? A: The 19th hole.
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has 54.44 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, golf
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
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has 46.22 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: With four skin-divers.
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has 39.47 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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has 51.00 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, masturbation
What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
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has 45.26 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty