Joke #6224

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

A: What does "IDK" mean? B: I don't know. A: Ugh! Nobody does!

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it." "How is that a good deed?" "He is now living in a flat."

Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"

If you can't say something nice, say it in French.

Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live. She chose last week and this week.

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her. He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee. When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one. He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law. She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead." "How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired. She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.