Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
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A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Never mind, it stinks.
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk.
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen...
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent.
They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
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