Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
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Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, “I think we’re in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?”
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, “I’ve got an idea. We’ll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours.”
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled the ribbons off while they were playing.”
“OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled their collars off while they were playing.”
“There’s got to be some way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, “I know! Why don’t you take the black one and I’ll take the white one!”
What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
A hare-cut.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So he can make you curious.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
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There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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