Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
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What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
Why did the horses kept saying orange juice?
Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.
Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him.
He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have.
She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.”
The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.”
She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.”
The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have.
A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments.
As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way.
Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind.
As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him.
“Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for?
Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain.
“I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Vote:
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned:
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied:
"That's because he's inside your fucking cat."