Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
Join the Hare Force.
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a fence!
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
A cowch potato.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."