Why did the chicken cross the road?
So he can make you curious.
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What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo Eyes.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.
A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear.
After a few hours in the forest, he finally sees a giant grizzly.
He gets the bear in the rifle's sight and is about to pull the trigger when he feels a tap on his shoulder.
It's another bear. 'Buddy,' the bear says, 'that's my best friend down there.
I can rip your head off right now, or you can suck my dick.
What's it gonna be?'
Fearing for his life, the hunter says 'I'll suck your dick, Mr. Bear.'
The next day, hungry for revenge, the hunter returns to the woods and sees the same bear.
But as soon as he lines up the bear in his sights, he feels a tap on his shoulder. 'Buddy,' says the bear.
'Today, I can rip your head off or you can fuck me in the ass.'
Again fearing for his life, the hunter replies, 'I'll fuck you in the ass Mr.Bear.'
The next day, furious at what has happened to him, the hunter returns to the forest in order to kill same bear.
Once again, he gets the bear in his rifle sights when he feels a tap on his shoulder.
The bear shakes his head at the hunter and says, 'You don't come here for the hunting do you?'