Why did the chicken cross the road?
So he can make you curious.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place.
A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal.
Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside.
"We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off.
One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream."
"Okay, let's," said Toku.
Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds?
A. Half a spider!