Why did the chicken cross the road? So he can make you curious.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: She liked kids...
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.