Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
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What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood.
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
How did the calf's final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out.
Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.