Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
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Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A Hot Cross bunny.
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.
"Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?"
"Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose."
"Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?"
"Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
"THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!"
"Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?"
"Ruff!"
"What are you tryin' to pull, mister?"
"Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please.
Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?"
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez.
D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
What's a rabbits favorite musical?
Hare.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!