Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
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Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote:
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''.
I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby?
One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies.
Rape
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Vote:
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen...
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?
A tail pail.