What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
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Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool?
A hip hopper.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay!
Okay!
I'm a rabbit!
I'm a rabbit!"
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf.
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!"
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot.
For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas.
Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"