Did you hear about the gay French General?
He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!
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An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands.
The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said.
In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services.
He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"
I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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The Commanding General is supposed to visit the unit, so, in order to appear snappy, the captain stations a private as a sentry outside the front door.
"Inform me immediately upon the General's arrival," the captain orders the Private.
"Yes sir!" the Private Responds.
An hour goes by, and the General hasn't arrived.
The worried Captain checks with the Sentry.
"Did the General arrive?"
"No Sir!"
Another 1/2 hour goes by and the captain, getting nervous, checks with the sentry again?
"Hasn't the General arrived yet?"
"No Sir!"
This continues for two hours.
Finally, the General arrives.
"Where the hell have you been?" snapped the private, "The captain's looking for you!"
What about Where does a General keep his Armys?
In his sleevies!
As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step.
Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically:
"Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently.
"I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant.
The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
Q: What is Iraq's national bird ?
A: Duck.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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