Joke #3913

Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? They need a map.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: military

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The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
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has 72.55 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: military, war
I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: internet, military
Two Generals were preparing for battle. The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!" The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform. The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage. The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"
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has 79.27 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, military, stupid, war
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. "Was it my friend Sam", he demanded. "No !" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked. "NO !!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
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has 66.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: military
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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has 54.09 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: military
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
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has 40.80 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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has 38.74 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
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has 49.65 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, military, party, war
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. NOT SO FAST, McGrath!"
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has 83.23 % from 641 votes. More jokes about: death, military
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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has 64.52 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military