Joke #3913

Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? They need a map.
Vote:
has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: military

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Vote:
has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence. 6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence. 7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time. 8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
Vote:
has 80.04 % from 396 votes. More jokes about: military, terrorist, vulgar, war
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice Doggy", until your sniper gets the range.
Vote:
has 81.86 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: military
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.
Vote:
has 70.45 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: military
An Army Officer with an under-trainee Cadet went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Officer awoke and nudged his cadet. "Charlie, look up and tell me what you see." Charlie replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Officer asked. Watson pondered for a minute and in order to impress his officer said "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Officer was silent for a minute, and then spoke. "Charlie, you idiot, somebody has stolen our **** tent."
Vote:
has 71.35 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: military, science, time
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
Vote:
has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Human blood type is usualy 0+, A+ or AB... Chuck Norris blood tipe is AK-47
Vote:
has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore. As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: military
What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common? Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
Vote:
has 56.76 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: kids, military, racist
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Vote:
has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, men, military, women