Joke #3662

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life

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A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life, travel, work
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
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has 76.49 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, internet, life, music
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
Ok, so there this girl sleeping in religion class The teaches asks the class "who is our lord and savior?" The boy behind the girl pokes her with a pen and she screams jesus christ! The teacher says "good, now who created the earth in seven days?" The boy pokes the girl again, she lest "oh my god!" The teacher says "good, now what did Eve say to Adam after their 11 child? The boy pokes the girl one more time and the girl yells "if you poke me with that ting one more time im going to break it off!"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: god, life, teacher
Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want." The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret." The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10." The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15." The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
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has 84.18 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: dad, life, money
Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.
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has 74.84 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: life
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency? He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, political
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: drug, health, life
There once was a gal named Lewinsky, Who played music like a Stravinsky. "Twas "Hail to the Chief" On this flute made of beef. That stole the front page from Kaczynski. Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky, "We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski. Since you look such a mess, Use the hem of your dress And wipe that goo off of your chinsky." Lewinsky and Clinton have shown. What Kaczynski must surely have known: That an intern is better. Than a bomb in a letter. Given the choice of how to be blown.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life, music
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
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has 70.82 % from 294 votes. More jokes about: asian, blonde, food, life