Joke #3662

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.

Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.

An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."

Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

When a White guy is... Scared- He gets even whiter. Cold- He turns Blue. Angry-He turns Red. Stoned- Gray duh. Sick- He turns Green. When a Black guy is... Scared- He stays Black. Cold- He stays Black. Angry- He stays Black. Stoned- He stays Black. Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.

Man returning with his wife from guests. Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife. But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?

Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!