Joke #3662

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freemans life
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Vote: has 66.28 % from 130 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, sex
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, management, money, wife
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life
There was three people approaching the gates of heaven But there was only one place left. The gate keeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go inn. The first man said: "Well imagine that I expected my wife was having an affair, so I got home early to surprise her. I found her in the bathroom with a towel round her so I knew she wasn't having a shower so I search the apartment and found 10 fingers hanging from the window sill. So I started bashing away at them. When he fell god must have loved him, because he lived. So I threw a refrigerator at him. After all the excitement I died of a heart attack." That's horrific said the gate keeper, he asked the second man how he died and he said. "Well imagine this I was riding one of those stationary bike on the top of our apartment building but it went wrong I feel down and grabbed some ones window sill. Then some idiot started bashing ar my fingers then I fell but god must have loved me because i lived then -SHANNOOOWWWW- a refrigerator plunged down at me" That is to horrific. He asked the third man how he died and he said. "Well imagine that I was naked in a refrigerator..."
Vote: has 83.92 % from 181 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? " The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge... Show him your badge!"
Vote: has 85.83 % from 255 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, drug, life
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 188 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, religious
Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener? A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
Vote: has 79.54 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, life
Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life