One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t.
So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat.
He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it.
He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man.
He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat.
The guy said, "It's a hurt bird."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
They kept that up for about five minutes.
Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!"
The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand.
The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?"
The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."
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Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said: “Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.”
The clerk called 9-1-1.
She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
“I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side.
The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.
A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding and the female driver says "I guess you want to sell me some tickets to the Trooper's Ball?" The trooper responded,
"Troopers don't have balls, ma'am."
After he realized what he said, he simply walked back to his car and drove away.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.".
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he is busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now startled.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searching team just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me."
Vote:
Why did the policman cry? because he couldn"t take his Panda to bed!
A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her.
She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead.
She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room.
Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.
The three cops were standing their waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..."
In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling.
"MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!" he exclaimed.
"Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman.
"Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked.
"HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"