Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing. 
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It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
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What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Fry-days.
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?
A: Cheez Whuz.
Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal.
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What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress.
"About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
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