Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing. 
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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What’s the difference between a nigger and a pizza?
Pizza doesn’t scream in the roaster!
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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?"
Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?"
Customer: "No, I can’t."
Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
The world is like a jar of jelly beans.
Everybody hates the black ones.
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Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
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