Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing. 
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A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie.
As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it.
The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie.
The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied.
"He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?"
Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
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The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Coffee doesn't wake up Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wakes coffee up.
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."