Joke #1359

Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.

Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."

Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.

Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."

I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?

Dear Facebook, Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"

Facebook wants to add Chuck Norris as a Friend.

A Detroit-area woman who was removed from a jury for commenting about the ongoing case on Facebook has a longer writing task ahead: a five-page essay about the constitutional right to a fair trial. She responded, "Can I just get the answer from Wikipedia and send it to the inbox on your Facebook page instead?"

You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?

Chuck Norris adds Facebook as a friend.