Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
Dog rules 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, it's yours.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A: A snake in the brass.
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".