Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
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Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
Ronnie goes to the auction.
He notices a parrot that was on auction.
Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars.
Auctioneer: 50 Dollars
Voice: 100 Dollars
Ronnie: 200 Dollars
Voice: 300 Dollars
Ronnie: 400 Dollars
Voice: 750 Dollars
Ronnie: 800 Dollars
Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold.
Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it."
Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
Yo Momma is so fat…
That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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