Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.
He got out, and started walking in a meadow.
As he walked, he came upon a hole.
Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down.
No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.
The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down.
No sound.
As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam.
He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in.
No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted.
Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed.
He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.
He listened, but there was no sound.
He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up.
The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?"
The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends.
Say, have you seen my prize goat?"
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well.
He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."
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For palomino-money!
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What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A slow poke.
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
Why do milking stools only have three legs?
'Cause the cow's got the udder!
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him.
He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have.
She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.”
The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.”
She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.”
The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have.
A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments.
As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way.
Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind.
As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him.
“Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for?
Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain.
“I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda d to its every whim.