What did the volcano say to the other volcano?
Stop erupting me.
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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Where does a boat go when it is sick?
The dock.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Class: The second one!
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."