Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
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Kid: "please could I go 2 the toilet"
teacher: "say the alphabet"
Kid: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz"
teacher: "where's the p?"
kid: "running half way down my leg"
It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids.
"Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully.
"I am" said one.
"I am" said the second.
"No," the father said "their mother is!"
When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents took him to a beach in Georgia.
While swimming Chuck Norris pants came down and out popped Florida.
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What has ten letters and starts with gas?
An automobile.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child.
Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
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One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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