Joke #12344

A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday. She opened it up and it was a tea pot. She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you." The boy said "That's good." Mum said "However I already have a tea pot." The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."

A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

First boy: "Are you having a party for your birthday?" Second boy: "No, I'm having a witch do." First boy: "What's a witch do?" Second boy: "She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."

Yo mama so stupid, she went to a garage sale to buy a garage

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions “What happened on June 6, 1944?” “We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!” “What was the turning point of world war 2?” “Battle of the bulge, sir!” “What’s is the importance of May 12″ The Man thought and thought “I don’t know, sir!” The superior then said “Well, I’ll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday.”

A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."