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A kid asks his father:
Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed?
Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town.
They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
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A group of children once said, "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over."
Those children were the dinosaurs.
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I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
What is black and white and red all over?
(A panda bear with a sunburn!)
At a poor-side of Athens, a kid were on the street and was playing.
A cop who was crossing around that street, saw him and asked him: "What are you doing there kiddo?"
"I’m playing..."
"What are you playing?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, I pour some water in and I add then some poop and I’m making little weaklings!"
"What kind of weaklings?"
"Cops..."
The cop, furious, slaps the kid and screams: "Get the hell away from here and run to your house! I never wanna see you wondering around here."
For the next two days, the kid didn’t show up.
The third day, the kid was on the same spot, playing.
The cop, saw him again and approached the kid.
"What are you doing there?"
"I’m playing..."
"What?"
"Oh, well... I collect sand, then pour some water in and I’m making little weaklings."
"Congratulations! enthusiastic said the cop. And what kind of weaklings you’re making there?"
"Firefighters...!"
"So, how come you’re not putting any poop on them as well?"
"Cause, whenever I do, they come out cops...!"
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him.
He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have.
She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.”
The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.”
She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.”
The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have.
A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments.
As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way.
Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind.
As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him.
“Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for?
Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain.
“I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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