Joke #1347

I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.

Three boys are walking home from school and they see a naked woman. One of them runs away the other two stay to watch. The next day they are walking home from school and they see the naked woman again, and again the same boy runs away. Another day later they are walking home and they see the naked woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gay or something don't you like looking at naked women?" He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at naked women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."

Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"

How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters? All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.

Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry? A: Booger King!!!

One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."

I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.