Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
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Two men visit a prostitute.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’
Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen.
The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom.
Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence.
All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers.
The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace.
He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penisless and the third was fine.
The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed.
The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished.
"Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.
You are so selfish!
You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."
Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..."
Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!"
You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
Vote:
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men?
It changes their blood type.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
There are an older brother and a younger sister.
The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom.
The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah.
A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no.
Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes.
After a while, the parents hear a scream.
They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off.
A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish.
The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ."
"OK, alright" the guy responds.
"Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii.
I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii."
This pisses the genie off.
He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical."
"Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ."
"Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women."
The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"