How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present.
She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present.
She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking.
The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Answer: No!
Response: Wanna go to a party?
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
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A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt."
Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."
But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?"
The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can?
A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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