Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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Similar jokes
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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
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It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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Yo mamma’s so hairy, last night I confused here with a bush and pissed on her!
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This is a visual joke.
Blow some cigarette smoke into a shoe, what do you have?
A palestinian waiting for the bus.
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!
"Shut up and keep digging, boy."
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Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm.
They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.
The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain.
"One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning.
Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius.
She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers.
"That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work.
At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression.
"You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
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Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget?
A: Wow! Your hair smells good!
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