Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself?
A: Because nobody understood him.
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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean.
Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef.
They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.
Count from one to ten.
That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
Vote:
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Vote:
Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.
Vote:
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Old Farmer Peter was dying.
The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Peter: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."