Q: How do you make seven an even number?
A: Take the s out!
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Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Why is it hard for a blonde to count to 70?
Because 69 is such a mouthful.
Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
Student: What’s infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Vote:
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Vote:
Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!"
Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote:
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"