Joke #6771

Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life

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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 69.00 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
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has 71.55 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: family, life, work
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
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has 77.59 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, life, religious
Chuck Norris is not cool. By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
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has 22.14 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: baby, dead baby, disgusting, life, sex
I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
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has 22.70 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 74.96 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: divorce, doctor, life, relationship