Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
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Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you...
This is life of a dog.
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"
So the Pope slapped her.
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas.
They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately.
The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job.
Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert.
Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around.
Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist?
A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life.
Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York.
The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots.
The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says:
Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Why can't cinderella get in the basketball team?
Because she keeps running away from the ball.
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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