Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.” So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.” Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.” Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?” Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.