Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.
The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?"
And the father answers truthfully:
"These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the sex education class."
Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?"
"This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside.
"What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?"
"This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."
Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?"
His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"
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The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
(They use bear conditioning!)
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office.
Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy."
When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out:
"Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children."
"Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman.
"That's very unusual.
When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker.
The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the last names."
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Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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