Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.
The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?"
And the father answers truthfully:
"These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the sex education class."
Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?"
"This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside.
"What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?"
"This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."
Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?"
His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"
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A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
A kid was crying standing outside his house.
A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?"
Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house."
Passer by: "Who is your father?"
Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down.
The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.
So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter.
They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle.
“More!” he cries again.
They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport.
They get into a jeep and drive off.
Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who’s crying.
They ask him why he’s crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!”
They drive more and meet another boy who’s crying even harder.
Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!”
They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who’s laughing hysterically.
They ask him, “Kid, what’s so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!”
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.
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