A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
Who is little, black and jumps?
A flee!
But who’s big, black and jumps?
Dr. Alban!
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
Vote:
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Who's the biggest prostitute in history?
Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.