Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob.
The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick"
The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
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A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog.
The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!"
The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!"
He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears.
The crocodile opens its jaws wide.
The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again.
The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker.
Everybody in the bar is very impressed.
To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!"
But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars.
Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice:
"I think I can do it!"
Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!"
The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?
A: Screw me.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Had a fight with an erection this morning.
I beat it single handedly.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt?
A: Self-employed.
Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?"
Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
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