Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob. The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick" The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"