Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
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What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.
He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.
As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.
This was the first time this had occurred.
As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived.
Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo.
We're going to the show, is she ready to go?"
The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?"
Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door.
The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up.
The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.”
The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.”
“That’s what my father says.”
Once there was this man whose car broke down.
He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch.
He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in.
But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.''
She let him sleep in the laundry room.
He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters.
After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed.
Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down.
Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!''
He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable.
Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it.
In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule.
Watch out.''
He was sent onto the porch to sleep.
All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him.
Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald.
Here came the grandma.
''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.''
The cops came and requested a description of what happened.
The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist.
He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world.
"Man that was hard work, Now I need to relax and f*ck a b*tch."
And so he went to the batcave.
He walked over to batman and asked, "You know any hoes that just want to have s*x?"
Batman looked and replied, "Well I heard superwomen wants to have s*x."
Superman looked at him and shook his head,"Well superwomen wants to have s*x with EVERYONE."
So intern he goes to robin, "Look robin I know your gay and all but do you know any hoes that want to f*ck."
Robin replies, "Well I heard superwomens pretty good."
Superman looks and says,"Well EVERYONE hears superwomen is good."
Pissed superman flies off.
While hes flying he passes over a field.
He looks down and sees superwomen completly naked with her legs spread.
Superman thinks to himself, "I can get in and out in faster than a speeding bullet."
So he flies down gets in and gets out faster than a bullet.
Back in the field superwomen looks around and says, "What the f*ck was that?"
and invisible man says, "I don't know but my ass hurts."
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.