Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
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Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?'
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.
Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture.
Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"!
Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep.
He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"?
Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina.
So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
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Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" she replies with a smile.
"Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."