I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
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What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?"
Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize?
Cause he was outstanding in his field.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all.
Your life may be forfeit.
Vote:
Q: Why are politicians like diapers?
A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies.
We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
Vote:
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.