There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me."
An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter.
A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign.
A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.
A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs.
He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."
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Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Hey guys.
Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
Thank me later.
Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that."
Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!"
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you."
Guy: "Boobs!"
You are so selfish!
You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Damn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he doesn't want to appear insensitive, he also doesn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says: "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..."
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar?
Both their balls are decoration only.