My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Teacher draws a pen*s on the blackboard . Does any one know what that is? "Yes," says Tommy. "My dad has two, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth."
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
Q: If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with? A: A dickhatership!
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
What does a white chick and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts !