My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t."
"But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies.
"But, I do."
A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak.
In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the balls are just there for decoration.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A: Better traction.
Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world?
A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath.
Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."