Joke #2799

Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."
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has 77.54 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, flirt, sex
Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A: A sunken chest with no booty!
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has 79.41 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: dirty, pirate
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 84.03 % from 401 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
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has 81.45 % from 1146 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, love, wife
A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the plan. In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night." All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."
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has 79.88 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
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has 59.66 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?" The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?" Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
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has 85.31 % from 1393 votes. More jokes about: dirty
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
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has 49.00 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball. The game of choice for frontline workers is football. The game of choice for middle management is tennis. The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf. Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
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has 78.48 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, management