I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.
Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy. The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy. The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong. With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"
Q: How can you tell if you have an overbite? A: When you're eating p**sy and it tastes like sh*t.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."