One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
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Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.
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How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
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Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
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3 bums were outside a bar.
The first one went in and asked for a fork.
The second one went in and also asked for a fork.
Then the third one went in and wanted a straw.
At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony?
A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
"Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
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