Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
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When do boys ask for a girl’s hand?
When they get bored by theirs!
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
A man is on a plane.
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors.
The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol.
The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half.
They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story.
Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!