Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
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One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
What did the Left Nut say to the right nut?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a d*ck!...
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00."
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile.
"Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man.
"Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs.
"Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"
Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino?
A: One cup and you're up all night.
Pr*stitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Damn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about.
I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old.
We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes.
I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"