What did the Left Nut say to the right nut?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a d*ck!...
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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
No ball room.
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.
- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.
- You can do the whole neighborhood.
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude.
The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs.
The nun realized this.
She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?"
The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand."
"Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?"
"I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
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