Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda? A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve? A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.