Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day.
They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it.
He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
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Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
"Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...
After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
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A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
Q: Which Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Amazing unbelievable facts
1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died
2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute
3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday
4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman
Two communists were sitting in a dive bar when one said to the other:
"Communism is the ultimate expression of generosity."
"True," the other replied.
"If you had two houses, would you give me one?"
"Absolutely."
"And if you had two cars, would you give me one?" the first communist asked.
"Without hesitation," the second communist replied.
"And chickens. If you had two chickens, would you give me one?"
The second communist thought about the question for a few moments before answering.
"No," he said.
"Why not?"
"Because I have two chickens."
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back...
So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."