Joke #7332

Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!

A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

What time does Andy Murray go to his bed? Ten-ish.

Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.

The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Ma'am", said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday." There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "So that's why no one was in church today."

Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common? A: No Cubs

Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

Yo mama so stupid, she dropped off her phone because it stopped.

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"