I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel. After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead. No sign of the blonde. After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore. They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink. After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"