Joke #7363

Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...

Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. Man 1: Haircut? Man 2: Yeah.

A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."

What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.