Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce." On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce." The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together. One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.