Joke #739

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
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A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Vote: has 73.60 % from 206 votes. Send joke:

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Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.
Vote: has 55.71 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

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In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Vote: has 76.46 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

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At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you. You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients. Of course, I know you!" Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says: "Do you know the defense lawyer?" "Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft as well. I was holding him in my arms when he was a baby, and I can say that I am disappointed in him, too. He’s a drunk and a gamester. He finds it hard to develop a normal relationship with anyone and he is one of the worst lawyers of our town!" At that point, the Chairman interrupts the process and demands from the two lawyers to approach the bench. When they do, he bends over and whispers to them: "If any of you jerks, asks if she knows me, you’re screwed!"
Vote: has 75.38 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

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At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
Vote: has 77.45 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

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A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
Vote: has 81.18 % from 1051 votes. Send joke:

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Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy fuck we can't fix that.''
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Yo mama so ugly, people break into her house to close the curtains!
Vote: has 74.28 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

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Yo mama so ugly it caused Godzilla to go back to the ocean.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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A man asks a guy if he likes fishdicks, the stupid guy answers like this because he thinks that he said fishsticks so he says, "Yes, I Love them." Then the man asks him again and says "Do you like having them in your mouth?" Then the stupid Guy answears like this "Yes I like them in my mouth says the stupid guy confused" Then the man says "What are you, a gayfish?"
Vote: has 29.23 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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