A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume? A: Because they're ugly and they stink.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Testicules. Testicules who? Pillow for penis .
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
Yo Momma's so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk!
Two blondes were talking together: First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?" Second: "He isn't just now my engaged." First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!" Second: "He is now my husband!"
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name? Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.