My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
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Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"I think my privates are too small." he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused.
"Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
One day a man got on the bus and saw a nun.
He started to have sexual Thoughts about her and tried to stop but she looked so good that he couldn't Stop.
So once she got off the bus the man asked the bus driver if he knew Where she was going.
The bus driver said to meet the nun at the church at 8:0op.m dressed like jesus. He went there dressed like jesus.
This Surprised the nun and she asked him what she needed to do and he said have anal sex with him.
Afterwards, the man said I have a confession to make and he told her he wasn't jesus but the man on the bus.
The nun then said she had a confession also. She was the busdriver..
Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs?
A: Because they have to!
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber."
Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."