My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
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Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
“Honey”, says the wife to her husband, “last night I had the most AMAZING dream..I dreamed that we were making love and next to our bed there was a black man from Africa who was waving a fan to us and that gave me great satisfaction..”
The couple decided to make the dream come true, so they found a black man and offered him 200 euros to wave the fan to them while they made love.
The three of them went home and the couple started having sex while the black man was waving the fan.
But still the wife couldn’t get any satisfaction..So she proposed that they should change roles.
She would make love with the black man and the husband would wave the fan next to them.
The husband accepted and started waving the fan…
After a while, the wife screamed of pleasure and asked for more!
So the husband said to the black man: “Do you understand now how you should wave the fan, you ashole?”
Three women were debating about how wide their pussy are.
The first one said: "When my husband makes sex he puts his penis and his testicles in my pussy."
The second lady said: "Wooo when we are in bed my husband puts his hand and his arm in mine."
It was the turn of the third woman that pointed to her pussy and said: Jimy; Jimy come out, please."
Vote:
An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night.
‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor.
The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms.
The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’
‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims.
‘I thought you rolled them on!’
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote:
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground.
The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at.
The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing.
They father replies that the two spiders are having sex.
It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other.
The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg.
The father says that they're both daddy long legs.
The son stomps on them, killing them.
The father asks why he did that.
The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!