Joke #4403

‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
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Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
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What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He smashed his his nose. Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken... A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that. Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out the underpants. What do you do with a years worth of used condoms? Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear. What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus! A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says a fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can. One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."
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What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
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An old football player was dying. So he called her wife and told her: "My dearest you see I'm dying. May you confess how many times you have done betrays against me during your life?" Her spouse said: "Forgive me, my dear, only 3 times: 1. Do you remember it was so difficult to admit you as a football player in the team? So I went to the couch and did something. That was the cause for you to be a player in the team. 2. Do you remember when you entered the team no body didn't pass you? I went to 10 others players so they changed a friendly treatment during half times. 3. Do you remember during matching nobody of 30000 viewers didn't encourage you? I did something..."
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Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.
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‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.
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Q: How do you know a gay guy has farted? A: He needs to change his pants afterward.
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Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.
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