Joke #3936

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life

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An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 70.38 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, stupid, Yo mama
A: What does "IDK" mean? B: I don't know. A: Ugh! Nobody does!
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has 62.26 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: life
Baby, baby, baby ooh! Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber? Daughter: No, I'm watching porn. Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
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has 78.97 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: life, music, sex
Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go." Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news." "What is the bad news?" asked Bill. "Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. "The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, political
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
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has 82.51 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: life
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions'
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, political, religious