Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains.
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A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
A guy has a talking dog.
He brings it to a talent scout.
"This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent.
"Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds.
"All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says.
He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?"
"Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare.
He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says.
"This one will amaze you.
" He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.