Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
A family went to a nudist camp for their vacation. The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."
"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."
Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."
"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."
"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."
"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."