How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.