How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
If you catch a man…throw him back.
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.