Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
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Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
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When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers.
He rushes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
"But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.
"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
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Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
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A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.
As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
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How is a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both substitutes for meat.
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